Defeating self-doubt is not as easy as it sounds. When I teach in my lectures how to overcome it, and tell my audience that the key is hidden in controlling your thoughts, willingly thinking of the positive parts of your career, life, health, wherever you might experience doubt, it all sounds nice and dandy, but to get there is a constant struggle. Constant as in, it’s not enough to control your thoughts once, no, you need to do it over, and over, and over again. Throughout your whole life.
Good news, it will get easier with time. It’s a little bit like sport. The first time you run three miles is crucifying. Once you did it for multiple times, it doesn’t feel as bad anymore, but it will still feel like exercising, same as defeating self-doubt. At first, it seems close to impossible not to let doubt and negative thoughts overwhelm you. With time, it will still require effort, but it’s doable.
Why I’m writing about all this today? Because today is one of these days where I have to give effort again to keep my self-doubt under control. The cold I’ve been talking about in my sport videos, the one I already have for over two weeks, is still there. I can’t say I feel particularly sick, but I’m starting to feel drained, and I’m starting to feel worried. That’s why I’ll go see my doctor today. Two weeks is enough of coughing. It’s time to respect my disease, and give it more attention than I normally do.
I’m sure all will be fine. Also as a lung transplant recipient you can simply get sick, get a cold, be knocked out for a few days. I have a healthy body, it will manage. But in moments like these the tiny little voice of doubt is audible, I can hear it whispering in my ear, making me work for my believe. Today I need to fight down thoughts that tell me the following: You are already transplanted for 14.5 years, someday your lungs will give in. Maybe this time it’s not just a cold, but a rejection? What are you going to do if you can’t get the mucus out of your lungs? And then, inevitable, I start thinking what will happen to the little man if worst comes to worst?
Yes, it’s a constant battle to believe in your health, to be healthy, and not to let your disease take over your life. A constant battle of telling yourself that you are healthy no matter what. That you will be fine, that, in my case, my precious organs will be fine, and mucus free sooner than later. You can’t live a healthy life with a negative mind. Think positive, always!